Friday, 10 February 2017

Romania 2017 - Berniceya - Ice Cream

We are an equal opportunity employer here at Apocalypse. Some songs are here because they reach deep into the human soul and make you think deeply about the world around you. Some because they're so knuckle-gnawingly terrible that they need sharing with a bigger audience just so that we can all feel better about ourselves in these difficult times.

And some just make you want to burn all your clothes and bathe in acid to wash away the nastiness.

This song is from that third category.

First there's the vocal delivery, all syrupy and glutenous, with waaay too many woahs and yeahs. Then there's the lyric - a thinly veiled allegory for shagging using frozen deserts as an excuse. And then there's Berniceya herself. I'm sure she's a lovely woman in real life, but her on stage demeanour made the enamel on my teeth crumble as I watched.

Seriously, you won't be able to watch this without cringing like a slug being peppered with salt, one small grain at a time...


  1. Not to be disrespectful to all involved... but we feel ever so slightly violated. We feel bad for music and we feel bad for ice cream everywhere. Dear Berniceya has just ruined ice cream forever. And metaphors.

  2. I have new appreciation for the poetic metaphors of the fisherman song.

  3. It makes one feel proper dirty upon even half a listen, eh!

  4. hey I think you are missing the point that this song was not entirely hers.
    Basically she and her producing team took the song changed the music and lyrics and badly produced to try to make it different...not cool, but also not cool the way you decribe someone's work, do I see your songs anywhere?nope, do something with your life rather than complaining and critisizing others around you.It's creepy, and seriously, it's sad.Inform yourself before you talk.

  5. Have you ever read a review before? If you think this was harsh you should have seen some of the things you'd have got had the song qualified for the final 15! And were you not describing my work in the same manner? Have you seriously never said anything harsh about a song or performance you didn't like? if not, then fair enough, but I suspect you might have done.

    You see, I wasn't even especially harsh on Berniceya. She looks like a great kid - but this song and performance has been evoking laughs right across Eurovision fandom. The thing is, if you're going to put your creations into the public sphere you're going to have to expect criticism - especially if there are elements that are not entirely up to scratch.

    And yes, you can see my songs all over the web, and I expect them to be held up to the same kind of constructive criticism that I hold others up to. It's a free exchange of ideas, and the very root of a lively, free press. Perhaps it was you who should have informed themselves before they talked.

  6. There are several expensive ice cream machines
    in UK for newly start business but if you really want to invest less in ice cream business and want best ice cream machine then you must google ovevo ice cream machine

  7. Congratulations! You've just been dubbed the best random spam mail we've ever had on this blog! Good work!

    But there's one very good reason why your company can never work in the UK...